


just save room for us (somewhere)

by midzyzen



Series: pocztówka z wwa, lato '19 [6]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, You Read My Post About Us On Reddit AU, best friend's ex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27193634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midzyzen/pseuds/midzyzen
Summary: tl;dr donghyuck (m, 20) has a crush on his best friend's (m, 20) ex, jaemin (m, 20). the catch? jaemin found the post donghyuck wrote about them on r/relationship_advice
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin
Series: pocztówka z wwa, lato '19 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1847740
Comments: 14
Kudos: 112





	just save room for us (somewhere)

**Author's Note:**

> potential warnings: implied homewrecking, vague implied emotional adultery, implied poland-typical homophobia, all of the characters are assholes and their relationships are flawed to say the least. taking social psychology got a bitch thinking that's all. it's not very serious or explicit though, although i don't condone this shit btw. there's no actual cheating either pray emoji that's WRONG <3
> 
> title from save room for us by tinashe, there's a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3KPGAo3VWPl1IvZCb2LRJx?si=u334Lh8CQ5GPEegBshBJ8g)
> 
> lastly, thank u to [kinnie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tofugumball/pseuds/tofugumball) for proofreading... couldnt ask for a better bestie <3

_january, 2019_

“so, where are you taking him?” donghyuck asks. 

he’s picking up jeno from the sociology department of the warsaw university in a long trench coat, his hair straightened. the effect of which, given the winter humidity, won’t last too long, but he doesn’t mind. they head towards the subway together, jeno said they both would be going the same way.

“the zoo,” jeno says with a grin, clearly proud of the idea. “he really likes the cats. and, like, i guess it means animals in general.”

“right,” donghyuck blows warm air into his hands. he’s underdressed, but soon enough they walk down to the platform, crisp january weather long forgotten. the train is due to come in just a few minutes. “aren’t, like, half of the animals not gonna be there?”

“how come?”

“like, if the giraffes were out, they would freeze to death.”

“oh, maybe,” jeno pouts and it’s cute, so donghyuck pokes his cheek. “i hope he likes the aquarium, then.”

“he’ll like anywhere you take him, no worries,” donghyuck smiles, stepping into the train and taking a seat. jeno doesn’t sit in public transport so he hovers above donghyuck awkwardly for the duration of the three-stop ride.

they get off at dworzec wileński, where jeno is supposed to meet up with his boyfriend and where donghyuck wants to go to claire’s to get some earrings for the newly pierced upper lobe. jaemin, the boyfriend in question, is waiting for them — or jeno, rather — at the subway entrance. 

“hey, babe,” he says to jeno, standing close enough beside to feel like a couple without looking like one to the general public. still, donghyuck gets the message. “hi, hyuck.”

“hey, jaem,” it’s donghyuck’s turn to stand awkwardly. “how’s the term going?”

“god, don’t even get me started,” jaemin sighs. he does look tired, but the dark circles under his eyes don’t make him any less attractive. not with his hair, dyed a grey, somewhat periwinkle kind of blue peeking from underneath his hat, not with his cheeks dusted pink from the cold. “exams got me all sorts of fucked up.”

“same, i’m ready to, like, drop out, unless they kick me out first,” this makes jaemin chuckle softly. donghyuck wants to stay around a bit longer, but it’s cold and jeno’s bouncing on his feet, all ready to set out, so he says, “anyways, i’ll leave you two to it. see you, guys.”

“bye, hyuck,” jeno offers on his and jaemin’s behalf and just like that they make their leave for the tram station. donghyuck is watching them walk away when jaemin turns around to give him a wave.

donghyuck can’t help but wonder why. 

* * *

_july, 2019_

there are two facts about na jaemin that, on their own, wouldn’t be a big problem to donghyuck. however, it’s their coexistence that has him doing breathing exercises on his meditation app three times a day. 

fact one: na jaemin is lee jeno’s ex-boyfriend.

lee jeno, to clarify, is donghyuck’s best friend since middle school back when middle school was still a thing. they took the same bus to school, were in the same grade and both stayed for the english olympiad preparation club after classes. or it started like that, and grew into them walking each other home after a game of football, staying over at the weekends and cheating off each other at the english olympiad (they sat next to each other - same surname perks). 

they would complete each other naturally. where jeno fell behind, donghyuck would excel in and vice versa. jeno taught the naturally big-picture oriented donghyuck the attention to detail, which saved him a couple of points on the english competitions. donghyuck taught show-off jeno that wasting your energy on the first fifteen minutes of the football game only to perform badly for the next seventy-five will have you worse off than playing the long game. 

oh, and donghyuck knew how to play the long game if he wanted to. he can be scarily calculative if there’s something to win.

in the almost seven years that donghyuck has known jeno, he’s become sort of an indispensable constant of a best friend, the kind you don’t grow out of no matter what. he’s seen childhood friendships go weak, some forced with time, but not theirs. it’s different than his other close friend, ryujin, whom he’s known for just three years and with whom he survived the ib diploma programme. it’s not that he loves her any less, but jeno is family; nothing more nothing less. 

lee jeno and na jaemin dated for three months, starting november thirteenth, lasting until february tenth. they seemed like a decent couple at first, but donghyuck thinks he was only under that impression because they looked good together. _the halo effect_ , it’s called; we’re more likely to give attractive people more credit than they deserve. after all, they couldn’t have been that great a couple if they broke up, could they?

donghyuck is directly responsible for the whole thing — jeno met jaemin through him in the first semester of university. despite donghyuck and jaemin not doing the same degree, they were friends. jaemin, computer science major, offered to pay donghyuck, english philology, to help with his english assignments. now, it wasn’t quite as random as you’d expect, because donghyuck does charge for doing people’s coursework or just tutoring. 

what was random was donghyuck waving his hand, saying, “it’s fine, i’ll do it for free.” why would he sabotage his self-owned business of milking university students off their money, mind you? well, jaemin had a particularly nice smile, the kind that takes both breath and common sense away — donghyuck found himself too smitten not to try to be kind.

which inevitably leads to fact two: donghyuck has feelings for jaemin. big feelings.

jaemin is everything donghyuck wants in a boy, it didn’t take long to come to that conclusion. from kind smiles and fingers running through hair, to the leather jackets he insists on wearing over cargo pants and combat boots. from how caring he is without being overbearing, how funny he is without being rude to how peculiar he is without it being forced, how intelligent he is without being pretentious.

ryujin, who likes to psychoanalyse him (psychology major things, she’s the one behind the halo effect, too), tells donghyuck jaemin is his manic pixie dream boy. 

“it’s a wrong assumption,” donghyuck tells her, “because jaemin is a person, not a character. argument based on a false premise.” 

“you treat him like one, though,” ryujin says. “ _ignoratio elenchi._ this isn’t a syllogism, he doesn’t have to be an mpdb-esque character _and_ have you see him as a character for him to be _your_ mpdb. the main argument at hand is that you see him that way.”

but she’s wrong — donghyuck doesn’t, really. he’d never reduce someone as big and complex as jaemin to a trope, let alone one so generic. but he doesn’t tell ryujin that, because she’d just accuse him of _argumentum ad consequentiam_ and it’s hard to disprove.

enough about ryujin, though, and their shared penchant for playing agora. this is about jaemin.

donghyuck is hanging out with jaemin today, mid-july, five months after his breakup with jeno. they hang out, regularly, which was more donghyuck’s initiative than jaemin’s, at first. it’s not that the latter didn’t want to, or at least so donghyuck tells himself, but more because he was wary of how jeno’s best friend status can fall into conflict with jaemin’s casual friend one. 

he was surprised the first time donghyuck approached him, asking if jaemin wants to go see a movie with him and a few others. it was over a week after the breakup. “you still wanna hang out with me?” jaemin asked then, in positive disbelief. 

“you’re my friend, too,” donghyuck replied. in all honesty, he just wanted to keep seeing jaemin. things tend to be rather bleak without him. “regardless of jeno.”

“so, it won’t be awkward? between you two?”

“nah,” donghyuck said, without revealing a concerning lack of intention to even tell jeno about it in the first place. “he’ll be fine.”

and so, they kept seeing each other. 

they’re closer now than they’ve ever been — before jaemin met jeno, and definitely after jaemin met jeno. unintentionally, they always made donghyuck feel like it was jeno who introduced him to jaemin, rather than how it actually played out. over the months following the breakup, donghyuck upgraded from jeno’s extension to jaemin’s friend. selfishly, he finds it’s a rather positive outcome of their debacle of a relationship. 

he’s content with being just that, too. it’s easy that way, because there’s something about dating your best friend’s ex that feels morally wrong despite the lack of foundation. and to kill two birds with one stone, donghyuck doesn’t have to worry about whether jaemin likes him back or not (jury’s out on that, for the moment). which, really, would be but a waste of his time and sanity. and donghyuck’s lazy, too, doesn’t like to do things unless it’s a necessity and well—

—well, it’s not like he _has to_ date jaemin.

*

donghyuck _has to_ date jaemin. god, he has to, like, _right now_ , or he’s gonna suffer severe mental trauma. no, that’s a toxic thing to think, donghyuck realises belatedly, no matter the rather clear use of hyperbole. at least he didn’t voice the thought — thank god for the remnants of his brain to mouth filter. anyways, he has to date jaemin, without the metaphorical guilt-tripping that jaemin isn’t even aware of. 

he’s not aware of a lot of things, jaemin. 

he’s not aware of the eyeliner donghyuck has around his eyes. he got a marker liner for cheap on a 3 for 1 sale at hebe recently and he spent at least two hours trying to get the wings even before coming over. he’s shit at it, but it looks okay now, okay enough to justify almost emptying his makeup remover bottle. if jaemin takes notice of any of it, he doesn’t say a thing.

he’s not aware that donghyuck feels all too comfortable in his house by now. it’s a flat in what was donghyuck’s favourite district in warsaw even before he met jaemin. he knows where jaemin likes to sit, where he keeps his big gaming pc, and donghyuck fears he can even recall exactly what posters jaemin has in his room from sheer memory. 

he’s not aware of donghyuck watching him, no, admiring him would be a better way to put it. jaemin is unlookawayable, with full, dark brows, chiseled jaw and thick, now bleached hair parted in the middle the way donghyuck likes it best. and his smile is still as pretty as the first time donghyuck met him, but smaller now, more natural — it’s not about keeping up appearances anymore. 

he’s not aware of how excited donghyuck is about spending time with him. the frequency of their meetings is in its exponential growth stage — in literal terms. now, donghyuck is an english major, but he loves functions. he’s been plotting them on a cartesian plane, where x is time measured in weeks post-breakup and y is the hours spent hanging out per given weekly interval. with that, he came up with what looks like an exponential growth function, but donghyuck knows it’s a sigmoid curve. there’s only so many hours one can spend together with anyone in a week, so he predicts the function will hit its plateau at one point, as logistic growth tends to.

no, jaemin’s not aware of anything, sitting comfortably in his tank top and shorts at the other side of his couch. the summer’s particularly hot this year, but the heatwave has long given to the subtle warmth of the late evening, so donghyuck really doesn’t understand why jaemin’s acting like it’s still forty degrees outside. 

because donghyuck likes to play like he’s smart, likes to think jaemin is just _so_ easy to get over. it’s always out of sight, out of mind, until jaemin is in front of him and donghyuck is reminded of just how much he wants him. pixie manic dream boy, or not. 

*

they’re watching a horror movie tonight, jaemin’s pick. donghyuck doesn’t get scared a lot, not of ass-quality netflix originals at least. but if there’s one thing he can admit to, it’s being startled easily. so, horrors that rely on jumpscares get to him more than they probably should. 

it’s embarrassing, the way he physically jolts at the most low-budget ghost appearing abruptly on the screen. but what’s more embarrassing is that jaemin is there to witness it in the corner of his eye. he turns to donghyuck, face a curious mix of smug and fond.

“you good?” he shakes donghyucks shoulder. “didn’t think you were the type to get scared of those.”

“ _sto-op_ ,” donghyuck drags out, turning away from jaemin’s amused grin with flushed ears. but jaemin doesn’t give in easily, leaning over to squish donghyuck’s face in his hands. “jaemin!”

“that’s so cute,” jaemin coos at him and it’s not even mocking. “wanna come closer?” he suggests, gesturing for donghyuck to sit beside him. 

now, donghyuck doesn’t need protection or support or whatever jaemin thinks he’s offering, but he might as well pretend he does if it means the boy getting all nice with him. donghyuck fits himself into his side and lets jaemin’s arm swing over his shoulder. to keep the act going, he exaggerates the reactions a little, just to feel coddled. 

donghyuck decides that yes, it’s really nice to be babied by jaemin and be able to hide his face in his neck. worth any scar on his reputation whatsoever.

at one particularly violent jumpscare that donghyuck didn't even have to pretend to be freaked out by, jaemin lowers the volume, and runs his fingers through donghyuck’s hair and down the nape of his neck.

“hey, you wanna hear about my new sexy fixation?” jaemin says, as a way to distract donghyuck. it's really sweet, the kind that makes donghyuck spiral a little. 

“yeah?”

“i’m into going through relationship advice subreddits,” jaemin tells him and he's unironically excited about this. “you ever been?”

sure, donghyuck has. he even has an account just for the purpose of going through all the insane subreddits like this, but jaemin doesn’t need to know that. 

“once, or twice,” he shrugs.

“it's so addictive, let me show you,” jaemin opens the app on his phone. he scrolls down the feed for a while, before he finds something interesting. “oh, this one seems good. _‘is there a none-weird way,’_ spelled n-o-n-e, by the way, _‘to incorporate a used condom in our anniversary gift? me, female, twenty-six and the hubby, male, thirty,’_ god if i were straight and calling my husband _hubby_ i’d off myself on the spot. anyways, _‘have been together for five years — married for two, and our anniversary is coming up next weekend. recently, i found the first condom we used when we hooked up—’”_

“ew, oh my fucking god,” donghyuck gags. “who keeps shit like that?”

“op, apparently,” jaemin looks equal parts disturbed and delighted, “don’t worry she said it had been cleaned. _‘no idea why i saved it, guess i was twenty-one and dumb.’”_

“yeah, no shit,” donghyuck blinks back the secondhand embarrassment. “that’s like, one year older than we are and man, maybe i’m a poor judge of character, but you don’t seem like the type to keep used condoms.”

“there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, donghyuck,” jaemin jokes with a wink and everything kind of stops for a second. “anyways, it gets better. _‘anyways i was thinking of trying to make a cute diy gift like maybe the condom and then a photo of us and our baby with like the caption “from there to now”.’”_

he’s choking on his laughter as he’s reading that and donghyuck joins in, a little because it’s funny, but more so because jaemin’s amusement is contagious. “she could be like _‘that didn’t work out did it?’_ ” donghyuck suggests.

“no, no, we wanna keep it cute, romantic, it’s a straight marriage,” jaemin tuts. “she says she thinks, _‘it could be cute but also might be a little to,’_ spelled t-o, _‘far,’_ girl, you _think?_ ”

“clearly, she doesn’t,” jaemin throws his head back at that comment with a wheeze, then lets it fall on donghyuck’s shoulder naturally. 

“she needs reddit’s help for ideas,” jaemin tells him, “three exclamation marks, so you know it’s serious. say, donghyuck, what should f twenty-six do with her used condom?”

donghyuck scratches his chin in contemplation, “i think queen should go all laurdiy on this shit. i’m thinking, she could blow it up like a balloon, right? and then make a papier-mâché sculpture of their kid.”

“you know, something about your sensitivity to the visual arts is really hot,” jaemin says, and he’s probably fucking with donghyuck. i mean, he doesn’t look like he’s kidding, but donghyuck figures from context. “men in touch with their artistic side, all that.”

“i almost failed art in middle school,” donghyuck tells him, one to undersell himself like it’s his second nature. it wasn’t even quite as bad as he makes it out to be, he just got a 3 and it fucked up his grade point average. 

“that’s just a marker of misunderstood genius, einstein also failed physics,” jaemin says, unlocking his phone again, “let me tell op your great idea, hubby’s gonna love it.”

“he didn’t,” donghyuck replies, “fail physics. it’s a myth.”

“well, fuck me, that’s what i’ve been telling everyone,” jaemin groans, sprawling on the sofa so that he’s lying on donghyuck’s lap. “wanted to sound all smart and in the know. gotta let everyone know i was carrying out a harvard study or something, man.”

“you got any more fucked up reddit stories?” donghyuck croaks out, voice weak. it’s not that he doesn’t like jaemin being all over him, it’s just a bit suffocating. and, like, he wouldn’t mind, if only he could let jaemin know that’s how he makes him feel. and he can’t because — here we go again.

“let me see, let me see,” jaemin muses, and donghyuck has trouble looking away from the way his thumb moves gently across the screen. “twenty-one f’s boyfriend doesn’t wipe his ass after shitting, _classic_. twenty f’s boyfriend peed in their closet on her clothes when he was drunk — god, i’m starting to see a pattern with those.”

“you’re gonna have to pull up with better ones, ‘cause this is starting to get way too reminiscent of two girls.”

“i’m trying, damn,” jaemin lets out a _tsk_ before poking donghyuck in the side. “so demanding. oh! i found gay people! _‘my husband, m twenty-six, won’t stop washing his face with my, m twenty-six’s,’_ that’s op, they’re the same age. it always gets me so confused, why can’t these people emoji-code the characters? _‘washing his face with my socks’.”_

“that’s just boring,” donghyuck rolls his eyes. 

“kinda,” jaemin shrugs, “but i always get so excited about the lgbt ones. like, _no way, gay people exist in real life_ , that kinda thing. someone in the comments said op from the last one should shit in the sock. oh, there’s another gay one.”

“let’s hope these gay people will be more entertaining,” donghyuck sighs, trying not to think how endearing it is that jaemin’s searching for gay rep on r/relationship_advice. 

“ _‘i, m twenty, have a crush on my best friend’s, m twenty, ex-boyfriend, m twenty.’_ ooh, sounds like gay gossip!” jaemin wiggles his eyebrows and for a second things are okay. until donghyuck realises something quite crucial. “ _‘my best friend was dating this guy i introduced him to for three months and then they broke up. it wasn’t messy or anything and the ex was friends with me before they met so we’re still hanging out despite the break up. the problem is, i like the ex. i’ve liked him way before he and my bestie got together and i still like him now. aita for wanting to date him after this? it’s been, like, five months? since they broke up so i wouldn’t be a rebound or anything. to be fair, i don’t even know if the ex likes me back, but would it be okay to shoot my shot regardless of the bro code?’_ ”

now, donghyuck thinks this development is just banal. 

in his defence, it was a low moment when he wrote that post. it was after a couple of drinks, too, so it’s really not on donghyuck. he didn't even know jaemin had a reddit account himself to begin with and had he, his little thinkpiece wouldn’t make it out of the notes app. 

but it’s just his luck, he reckons, that of all the posts on the site jaemin had to stumble upon this one. he shakes it off, trying to look inconspicuous. after all this could happen to literally anyone. “woah, that’s something.”

“god, gay people can be so stupid sometimes,” jaemin just replies, but he upvotes the post nonetheless. “who cares if the ex dated his friend, op clearly likes him.”

“i mean,” donghyuck clears his throat, “in the guy’s defence, maybe it would just be awkward. like, they’re gonna have to see each other at one point, won’t they?”

“still, like, they’re all adults. who cares if they dated before, like op said it was just three months. i also dated jeno for three months and i wouldn’t care if he started dating renjun,” that’s jaemin's best friend. “by all means, go for it. they shouldn’t deny each other happiness or whatever for my sake.”

“who knows, maybe they’re getting it on,” donghyuck jokes. “have you even talked to jeno after the breakup?” 

“nah,” jaemin shrugs, not very upset with the fact it seems. “it wasn’t, like, bad or anything, i just never felt the need to.”

“how so?” personally, donghyuck can't imagine not talking to either of them again. 

“i don’t think we were ever friends in the first place,” jaemin says, blowing loose hair out of his face. “that’s why we broke up, kinda. you know, i kind of understood being in love is when you like someone romantically and they’re also your best friend. and i just don’t have that with him. so we gave up before it would get too serious.”

“that’s kinda, i don’t know. moronic,” donghyuck blurts out, and is met with a vaguely offended frown from jaemin.

“thanks, donghyuck, much appreciated.”

“no, ‘cause i mean—” he tries to clarify, “jeno’s my best friend. i never liked him like that.”

“no, you’re getting me wrong, it plays out kinda different,” jaemin argues, “in my head. i’m not saying you have to be in love with your current best friend.”

it’s the second time this week donghyuck’s been accused of _ignoratio elenchi_ and it’s starting to leave wounds on his pride. “how does it play out then?”

“like, you can be friends and like each other. from the get-go," jaemin offers, “and as you see them more, and be with them more, and they just… become your best friend.”

“you mean, like, replacing the original best friend or—”

“more like an addition,” jaemin laughs. “you can have more than one best friend, you know? this isn’t grade school.”

“i guess.” donghyuck admits. he wonders if jaemin could fall in love with him. they’re friends, after all, close ones now. and if what the boy’s saying is true, that’s one step closer to success. it makes him all kinds of crazy, just the thought of jaemin loving him. it seems like the best thing in the world. 

“yo, if i’m laurdiy, doesn’t that make jeno alex wassabi?” jaemin jokes after a while and things are normal again. donghyuck hopes they forget about it in the first place, he wouldn’t want jaemin reading too much into it. 

*

the reddit post seems long forgotten and their lives carry on as usual. donghyuck hasn’t seen jaemin much ever since, which is kind of fucking up his logarithmic growth graph, but he’ll just dismiss it as an outlier. 

sometimes, donghyuck wishes he knew jaemin back in high school when he was doing ib, because he’d make his mathematics internal assessment about him. his personal engagement score would be over the roof, definitely. then again, he was insane in high school, like, even more so than now, so maybe it’s for the better that jaemin is only privy to this upgraded version of donghyuck. 

anyways. back to life. 

“ryujin’s running late, she just texted me,” donghyuck informs jeno, sitting down across the table in the zodiak starbucks. he’s just arrived and placed his order, while jeno’s already drinking his matcha, but his best friend’s attention is elsewhere. he’s staring down, rather pointedly, at his phone. “hey, what’s with the sour face?”

“nothing,” jeno replies quickly, locking his screen and laying the phone face down on the table. “it’s just— nothing, really.”

“o…kay?” donghyuck raises his eyebrow. he’s not buying it. jeno loves starbucks, to an unhealthy degree, and that’s his favourite one in the city centre. he’s never seen jeno this… disgruntled, for lack of better word, in a _starbucks_ of all places. “you can tell me, you know? if something’s bothering you.”

“nah, it’s not even that big, it’s just,” jeno breathes out heavily. “jaemin texted me.” 

which, understandably, leaves donghyuck in the state of mental collapse. one that he promptly has to ignore, because the barista calls out his order. scrambling up from his seat, he promises to get back to it in a second.

this ordeal can go many different ways, all of them different levels of terrible. jaemin could have realised donghyuck had written the cursed post and told jeno about it. or worse, he’s not actually over jeno like donghyuck happily took for granted. on the way back to their table, he puts on his best poker face, making sure not to look too guilty or affected, just a healthy amount of concern for your best friend.

“so, what’s jaemin’s deal?” donghyuck asks immediately. too soon, even, but in all fairness, it’s quite urgent. “he wants to get back together or what?”

“no, that’s not it,” jeno denies with a frown. donghyuck almost lets the _hallelujah!_ slip. “i don’t think i can tell you what he wrote actually, it’s, like, private—”

god, screw jeno for being a good person. his taurus self never misses a chance to remind donghyuck he’s a gemini in times of moral conflict. “sure, sure, of course. is it anything bad?”

“not really, it’s just…” jeno lets out a heavy sigh. “it’s just kind of random. i was more shocked that he reached out, we haven’t spoken since we broke up.”

“yeah, like, it’s been, what — five months?” _five months, one week and three days._ but who’s counting. “why’d you guys even break up? you never said.”

“we realised we didn’t like each other that much,” jeno says, pensively, although it’s all rather simple to begin with. “like, he was okay, we thought we were okay. i just… we didn’t have a lot in common.”

“i see,” of course, they didn’t. it became embarrassingly clear for everyone else at one point. “you’re over him, though, right?”

“i am, yeah, i was barely even into him to begin with. honestly, why are you even this curi—” then jeno pauses and suddenly the air grows cold between them. jeno eyes him from top to bottom with this unreadable expression that’s by no means an indicator of anything good. it means jeno is thinking — and jeno’s not much of a thinker in the first place, mind you — and donghyuck can see his neurons firing at a breakneck rate trying to connect the dots. 

“you good?” donghyuck asks to distract him, waving his hand in front of jeno’s face for the show. “earth to bestie?”

jeno doesn’t snap out of it, though, instead replying with, “that took me a while, didn’t it?”

“what are you talking about?” donghyuck plays dumb.

“you’d get flustered around him,” jeno continues, with a layer of incredulous, wry laughter, “and i wondered why. you’re so touchy with everyone else, but you weren’t with him. i thought, maybe you just don’t feel him or something, but you just…”

well, there’s no use acting innocent anymore. 

“are you—are you mad?” donghyuck asks. he doesn’t like people being cross with him more than anything in the world. it’s a bit of a problem — he barely feels guilty about things unless he’s being confronted about them. and that was confrontation at its finest, with a person he needs so much at that. “i never did anything about it, i—”

“of course i’m not mad at you,” jeno’s expression softens immediately. he takes donghyuck’s hand that’s fiddling with the soggy paper straw and rubs his thumb over the palm. “you liked him? even before we started dating, right?”

something about this exchange is telling donghyuck jeno _pities_ him; that he feels guilty himself, even though he never knew about his feelings for jaemin. so, naturally, he chooses to play that card to save himself out of the sticky situation. 

he nods, eyes downcast, adds a little sniff to make it believable. “i’m sorry, jen, i didn’t want to. i tried to, you know, get over it and—”

“no, no, hey, hyuck — come on,” jeno squeezes his hand. “it’s not your fault. like i said, i didn’t even like him that much in the end.”

“so, we’re okay?” donghyuck blinks at him heavily, biting the inside of his cheek. 

jeno, sweet, kind, innocent jeno, his _best friend_ , smiles at him, “of course, we are. i was just frustrated with myself for not noticing it earlier. i was an ass, wasn’t i?”

“no, jen, of course you weren’t,” donghyuck is quick to reassure him. “you didn’t know, you don’t have anything to feel bad about, ‘kay?”

“neither do you, really,” jeno says. “and you still like him, don’t you? that’s why you were asking me about him?”

“i—how did you know?” donghyuck slouches back on the armchair. 

“let’s just say, you’re not the only one who’s curious,” jeno mumbles, voice laden with annoyance that donghyuck is thankfully not the object of. “can i, uh, tell you something? from experience?”

“uh, sure?”

“i don’t mind if you, like, get together, i really don’t, but…” jeno sighs. “be careful with him, okay? he’s not as good of a guy as he makes it seem.”

“how come?” donghyuck asks. it’s the first time jeno implies anything of that sort. 

“he’s… weird about things. he’s really… i don’t want to say idealistic, but like naïve, in this childish, self-centred way.”

“oh,” donghyuck doesn’t really know how to respond. 

“clingy, too,” jeno’s voice takes a cruel turn for a second. one donghyuck would have never expected from the likes of his best friend. “i mean, i ignored it at first. you know the whole _halo effect_ ryujin goes on about—”

“—yeah, yeah—”

“—so, just, yeah. i probably sound biased, but… i guess there was more to us breaking up, ultimately. but for what it’s worth, i think he likes you, too. _maybe just as long as you’ve liked him,_ if we’re honest.”

so that’s what it’s about. 

donghyuck bites back a smile. it’s nice that jeno’s looking out for him, he thinks, how genuine he sounds, too. “okay. okay, i’ll be careful with him, then.”

“i love you, bro,” jeno’s back to his normal self, now, leaning over to pinch donghyuck’s cheek, almost knocking both their cups over and donghyuck lets out a relieved laugh. 

“i love you, too,” he says, and he means it a lot, despite everything. 

“hey, now that that’s over, did you see they’re hiring here?” jeno changes the topic easily. it means he really doesn’t mind it that much, or so donghyuck assumes. or maybe the prospect of working in a starbucks put him in a good mood. “i could apply, don’t you think? like, we already spend most of our free time here, so.”

“i mean, go for it, king,” donghyuck says. “wait, actually that would be perfect. you could share your silly little employee discount with me, wouldn’t that be sexy as fuck.”

jeno laughs, “god, you can be a leech.”

“i call it being opportunistic,” donghyuck calmly explains. 

*

jeno was wrong; him and jaemin have one thing very much in common and it’s their obliviousness. it works in donghyuck’s favour though, at least in jeno’s case, so he doesn’t mind it in the least. 

because, jeno, quite like jaemin, isn’t aware of things sometimes.

just like when he wasn’t aware that donghyuck would crash their dates sometimes for a chance to talk to jaemin. it wasn’t like he had much of a choice; meeting with jaemin without jeno would seem like going behind his back and donghyuck couldn’t afford to have anyone think that.

he wasn’t aware that donghyuck would put on his better clothes whenever he was going to see jaemin, do his hair, put on some makeup — light, just to make him look that extra ounce better. he wasn’t aware of the small smiles and pointed looks donghyuck would send jaemin across the room, he wasn’t aware of their inside jokes. 

he wasn’t aware that donghyuck would bring up things jeno wasn’t interested in that he and jaemin had in common in conversation. they were similar people and he used it to his full advantage. they liked the same writers, read the same poets, listened to similar artists, played the same games and donghyuck would remind jaemin of that delicately. subliminally let him know they’ve already got more in common than he and jeno could wish for. 

he wasn’t aware of donghyuck stalking jaemin’s letterboxd, lastfm, you name it, to find extra things to talk about. he wasn’t aware that donghyuck started smoking again after trying to quit for months just to go on one-on-one smoke breaks with jaemin when the three of them were hanging out. he wasn’t aware that donghyuck would leave his things at jaemin’s place just for an excuse to pick them up.

he wasn’t aware that what he interpreted as donghyuck’s reservation towards jaemin was actually subtlety. touches had to be fleeting, not just because it would be inappropriate otherwise, but because it was more romantic that way, donghyuck finds. leaves people wanting more, both sides. whether a pat on the back, or a brush of arms against each other, or hugs lingering just a second too long to be ignored when they were saying goodnight — donghyuck was more than affectionate with jaemin, just in their own, special way. 

he wasn’t aware that the only way donghyuck could assuage the jealousy was to rest assured that they would never have what donghyuck and jaemin could. what they already did. he wasn’t aware that donghyuck was no longer mindlessly oblivious to detail, not since jeno taught him otherwise. 

he wasn’t aware that his best friend was playing the long game since the beginning, forgetting donghyuck is perfectly capable of doing that if he simply wants to. he wasn’t aware that donghyuck wanted it, he wasn’t aware donghyuck wanted _jaemin_. 

he isn’t aware of the fact that jaemin was not the bad guy in all this, not in the least. it was all donghyuck. 

jeno, frankly, isn’t aware of anything at all. 

“christ, donghyuck,” ryujin whistles, but she doesn’t seem appalled, or anything. if anything, she looks mildly impressed. “you know you sound like a manic pixie psychopath?”

“you say that like you don’t dm me all the ways you want to murder your step-sister on a daily basis,” he retorts. “takes one to know one, i guess.”

“ _ad hominem,_ hyuck, _ad hominem_.”

*

the doorbell takes donghyuck by surprise the moment he steps out of the bathroom after the shower. not one to have guests at, _what is it_ , one a.m. in the night, his first instinct is to get slightly spooked. that is, until he checks his phone and there’s a text from jaemin saying he’s coming over. 

checking if it’s indeed him through the peephole, donghyuck turns the lock and opens the door. “hey,” jaemin smiles. 

it’s kind of mortifying, because jaemin looks really good in the hallway light, as he tends to. donghyuck, on the other hand, is rocking an oversized-shirt-turned-pyjama, shorts with a stain on them and his hair is still wet. 

“hey, come in,” donghyuck moves out of the way. god, he hopes the bags under his eyes aren’t very obvious. “what are you doing here?”

“the reddit post we read,” jaemin announces, sitting down in donghyuck’s armchair while donghyuck takes the edge of his mattress. “someone replied to it.”

if donghyuck was meaner (or meaner to jaemin, he’d have no qualms with anyone else), he’d ask if it was reason enough to burst into his studio in the middle of the night. but he can’t find it in him to be remotely snarky. “the condom one? don’t tell me someone had a better idea than mine. or was it pee in closet—”

“the best friend’s ex one,” jaemin clarifies. god, no shit someone replied to it. gay posts on r/relationship_advice always go viral. anyways, here’s to hoping jaemin forgot about it, donghyuck guesses. 

“what about it?”

“i think you should read it,” jaemin insists, almost shoving his phone in donghyuck’s hands, “yourself.”

“fine, jesus,” donghyuck rolls his eyes at jaemin’s antics, but, well, it’s no use denying him a simple request. 

_“hi op~_ 💚, _”_ the post reads. it’s terribly long, too, and donghyuck doesn’t think he has enough energy to comprehend it properly. but for jaemin, he tries. _“i think i have the right kind of experience to give you advice about this situation hehet_ 😼

_i (m, 20,_ 🐰) _broke up with this guy (m, 20,_ 🐶 _) a few months back. there were many reasons behind it, but one of them was that i liked someone else, namely his best friend (m, 20,_ 🐻 _)._ 🐻 _was everything i was missing in my superficial relationship_ 🐰💔🐶. _he_ 🐻 _was funny and found me funny, made me feel safe but free at the same time and he’d always go out of his way to make me feel okay_ 🥰😻 _i’ve realised it far too late though_ 😩 _when it was already wrong to do anything about it, even though i broke up with the ex_ 🐶

🐻 _is a good guy and a good friend, so i knew he wouldn’t do anything that would hurt_ 🐶 _and i didn’t want to put him in a compromising position by asking him out, so i gave up on it_ 😇🤕 _we stayed friends, we hang out often and i thought i was okay with him just being in my life. but as days go by, it gets harder and harder to pretend i don’t like_ 🐻 _as much as i do_

_i like to pretend we’re dating in my head when it’s just the two of us together, which is probably weird and uncomfortable, but i really like to think of him as my boyfriend. he’s more of a boyfriend to me than my ex_ 🐶 _was. and i don’t even know if_ 🐻 _likes me back, but i can’t be the only one who feels this way. he acts like he does, unless i’m reading this wrong. sometimes i feel like there’s no one who understands me better than him, we just work. kinda like soulmates_ 👬👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

_so, i did two things, both questionable and both with the potential to end very, very badly._

  1. _i texted my ex_ 🐶 _after five months of ghosting him to ask: ‘_ hey 🐶, its been a while 🙈 would it be okay if i asked out 🐻? i really like him but im worried hed think it would affect the two of you. so, would you and 🐻 still be fine if he even gave me a chance?? no worries if youd rather i didnt lmaoo hehe hope ur doing well 🤩😹’ _, which, as i copy and paste the message, i have come to realise sounds like i’m on ketamine kyaaaa... anyways,_ 🐶 _replied saying it’s fine, which i consider a personal success_ 😼😈



  1. _i replied to this reddit post which sounds terribly like him_ 🐻 _and well, us_ 🐻🐰 _, telling 🐻 i like him. now, it would be quite embarrassing if you weren’t him, op_ 💚 _, but i kind of know you are_ 💚= 🐻🤯 _. i’m a comp-sci major, as you know, and ip trackers are embarrassingly easy to operate_ 🤓 _(and free! i used the uni software oingg~) sorry, i understand how that might be an invasion of privacy_ 🤦‍♂️ _, but it’s all in good faith, i promise_ 💚😈



_i’m on my way to your place, now. by the time you’ve finished reading, i will have probably pissed myself, because it’s the most terrifying thing i’ve ever done. but, as taylor a. swift (f, 29,_ 🐱 _) once eloquently put,_ “nothing safe is worth the drive” _, which works for us, even though i will have taken the tram_ 🚋 _to get to your place._

_anyways, tl;dr_ _i (m, 20,_ 🐰 _) like you (m, 20,_ 🐻 _). you’re not the asshole or a rebound and fuck bro (m, 20,_ 🐶 _) code. it’s always been you, even before i knew myself_ 🐰 💚 🐻 _”_

donghyuck blinks. he should have known it was jaemin from the get go, no one in their right mind uses the smug cat emoji. or types like this, point blank.

without a word, he hands jaemin the phone — it's a miracle he didn't drop it. jaemin is looking at him, eyes wide, scared and expectant. donghyuck doesn’t offer him a reply immediately, trying to process it himself. 

“you,” he says finally and jaemin tenses in his seat. “you hacked my laptop?”

“to put in layman’s terms,” jaemin replies. “like, i only checked for the ip address? nothing more, i wouldn’t—”

jaemin doesn’t get the chance to tell him what he wouldn’t do, because donghyuck doesn’t give him one. instead, he gets up from the mattress to sit on his lap and pulls jaemin into a kiss by the lapels of his jacket. he responds immediately, fingers tugging on donghyuck’s hair — they fall together so naturally, in a way jeno and jaemin never managed to. 

it makes donghyuck wonder why they ever bothered forcing themselves apart. they both know it’s been long overdue and act out on it, tired of gravitating towards each other with no purchase.

personally, donghyuck’s wanted this since the day he met jaemin. it was months ago, almost a year, but that doesn’t matter. no, it really doesn’t in the least, he decides when jaemin drags his hands down his back, because god, was the win worth the wait. 

“so you’re not mad?” jaemin asks, when they pull away. 

“no, i’m not,” donghyuck lets out a breathy laugh against jaemin’s temple. “it’s always been me, huh?”

“yeah, yeah, it has,” jaemin replies dumbly, far too occupied with kissing down donghyuck’s jaw. “i like you so much, hyuck, you don’t even know.”

“i think i get the idea,” when jaemin scowls at him for being cocky, donghyuck just grins. “if it’s any consolation, i like you just as much. if not more.”

“i don’t think you like me more,” jaemin says, like it’s some kind of challenge. “i’m kind of crazy about you. it’s a problem.”

“is it, though?” donghyuck argues. 

jaemin takes a look at him, a good one, the kind that makes donghyuck fall into pieces under its weight, “nah. nah, it never was.”

and that’s all the confirmation either of them need. 

* * *

_august, 2019_

“hyuck, it will be awkward,” jaemin whines, tugging on the sleeve of his shirt while donghyuck tries to navigate them down the crowded street. 

“jaem, do you want coffee?” jaemin nods. “do you want a frappuccino?” _nod_ . “do you want to pay the harrowing price of twenty złoty for your frappuccino?” _shake_. “then, let’s use the god-given fact that jeno started working at starbucks and get them with his discount.”

“but _dong-hyuck,_ ” while his boyfriend looks positively endearing with his bottom lip jutted slightly and pleading eyes, donghyuck is not about to waste the five złoty discount he’s going to get.

“babe, you won’t even have to come inside. just stay outside and i’ll get the coffees and we’ll go as far away as possible from zodiak starbucks,” donghyuck cajoles him with a smile. “i can tell him i’m with ryujin or something.”

“he knows my order.”

“i bet you he doesn’t remember. plus, we all get vanilla frappuccinos.”

“fine,” jaemin agrees, finally. “be quick, i’ll miss you.”

donghyuck kind of wishes he could kiss him right now, but he pats his cheek instead, “no worries, i’ll be a minute. i love you.”

“love you more,” jaemin flashes him a smile, but shoos him away nonetheless. donghyuck leaves jaemin behind, watching him hide around the corner of the building. in fact, he’s so preoccupied with not being able to take his eyes off his boyfriend that he tries pulling the door open despite the _push_ spelled out on it in bold, capital letters. almost impossible to miss. 

jeno’s on his shift, looking surprisingly good in the ugly starbucks uniform. when he sees donghyuck at the door, he perks up immediately. “hey, hyuck.”

“ _hola_ , bestie,” they bump their fists over the counter. “how’s work?”

“good, low traffic today, thank god,” jeno tells him. “what can i get you?”

“two vanilla frappuccinos, venti,” donghyuck recites. to his relief, jeno doesn’t seem fazed in the least. “and can i get your sweet employee discount, _por favor_?”

“yeah, no worries. jaemin takes his with soy milk, right?” jeno asks, scribbling their names on the see-through cups. donghyuck gets a smiley extra that he will definitely rub in his boyfriend’s face.

“uh, yeah,” donghyuck confirms. “how’d you know he’s here?”

“he’s standing right outside, i haven’t gone blind, yet,” jeno chuckles. “waved at me, even. tell him he can come in with you next time, he should stop being weird about that. that will be thirty, by the way.”

“card, please,” donghyuck turns around while jeno’s busy figuring out the terminal and indeed, jaemin is right there, no longer in hiding. the smug look on his face vanishes when he realises he’s been caught, which only makes donghyuck scoff in amusement.

when he gets out, jaemin’s back in his hiding spot for whatever reason. donghyuck hands him his drink with a raised eyebrow. “so what was that all about?” he asks, throwing his arm over jaemin’s shoulder. 

without taking a single look back, they walk away down the street. they’re going to the botanic garden from here, to see gardenias blossom. it’s particularly nice in august here, or so jaemin told him. he’s into that kind of thing.

jaemin seems slightly shamefaced, but only so much. mostly, he just looks happy with himself when he answers, “couldn’t help myself.”

and, well, donghyuck of all people can understand that. 

**Author's Note:**

> [buy me a ko-fi](http://ko-fi.com/joonswig) // talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/neotshy)


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